Stupid things that tourists say or do! Please add!

One of the things that really bothers me is watching people at Cane Bay walking across the coral in their fins as they're trying to snorkel. Um, if you're looking at it because it's pretty and interesting, why would you walk on it?

Bernie

From Molly at SCUBA.......(as she told me)

"Can you snorkel under the island?"
"When does it snow here?"

Tourist is driving past Annally Farms one afternoon...old man Lawaetz is cowpunching some Senepols that had got loose from the pasture and were running across the road. Tourist stops his Jeep, walks over to Lawaetz, and asks him "what time is it?".

Lawaetz is trying to handle a 2-ton Senepol. He grabs its tail, moves the tail to the left, and says "it is three o'clock".

The tourist is astounded! 😮 He says "oh my God, you must teach me that trick!!"

Lawaetz says "OK...come over here and grab this bull by the tail".

Tourist complies.

Lawaetz says "OK, now move the tail to the left a little bit".

Tourist complies.

Lawaetz says " OK, now you see the clock on the church over there???"

😀

Ugh!!! That joke's so old when Adam told it to Eve she already heard it.

Q: How long have you lived on "St. John's"?
A: Umm... I don't live on St. John's, I live here: on ST JOHN.

Q: (asked by a tourist getting off of a dive boat in C'sted harbor) How do you keep all the boats pointing the same direction?
A: That's the Harbor Masters job.

Oh, I love these! People back on the mainland refer to me as an ex-pat all the time, which I hate. It's the *US* VI, people!

This reminds me of the politician who was concerned that sending more troops to Guam might make it tip over... *-)

These are GREAT!! However, I still like the "Do you live here?" and the "No, I commute from Miami" response....one I have used often!!

I was walking through Cruz Bay a couple of months ago and had my little baby with me (he's always with me 🙂 ) He gets a lot of attention and an older couple stopped me.

Wife: "OHH! He's so adorable! How old is he?"

Me: "He's 5 weeks old."

Wife: "He is just so cute! Bob, come look at this cute little baby."

Me: "Thank you! He's a very good little baby."

Wife: "He is just so cute! And look, he has a tan already!"

Me: silence...uh....

You see, he doesn't have a tan. I am white, his dad is a very dark skinned West Indian, and the little guy is about half way between us in skin color. I didn't know what to say to her. I was shocked into silence! I've since thought of a few things to say back 😀 BUT, in her defense, a few weeks ago a local Rasta guy kind of bitched me out on the street for letting my baby get "too much sun". Hee hee!

Is there fish in the water?

Just this week a lady with husband and kids in tow turned to them in Gourmet Gallery and said, they must ship these things in here because they have the same stuff we have at home. Duh! Bet they ship them to your area at home as well.

While touring with some friends from my college years 40 odd years ago, the wife asked if the water ever comes over the waterfront. I said yes during a storm surge during a hurricane it most certainly does. She said, what about a heavy rain? I laughed the husband laughed, she looked perplexed. I said, Mary Ann you sure do wear that blond hair of yours better than I can remember from years ago. A college educated nurse, mind you, that took care of sick people!

On St John there was a tour guide many years ago that would stop at the roadside that looks down at Maho Bay and tell the tourists that this beach is the only one that the water actually comes up to the sand! They were all in awe!

They always ask when I pick them up why we drive in the wrong side of the road. I say, no we don't we drive on the left, would you like me to drive on the right? No thanks!

What's my accent they ask. I don't have an accent, you do.

I ran across this website a few months ago. It looks really new in the sense there is only 10-15 stories on it.

http://www.wtftourist.com/

Looks like a FML variant to me.

My Favorite.

I was walking through the lobby of the hotel I work at and overhead a lady ask "What is up with the iguanas all over the island? Do you put them in cages at night?"

I haven't been here long enough to have a story of my own......

I love it when they leave ALL money, credit cards on the ship, then try to buy things with their ship card. That works.

While sharing a taxi from the airport and passing by Sunny Isle, a guy exclaimed, "Wow, they have a Wendy's here!" He then asked the driver, "Do you guys have schools here too?"

But my favorite was the first time I went to Hotel on the Cay with my wife. We walked onto the hurricane destroyed tennis courts on the backside of the Cay and she asked, "Why is there all this pavement here?" I told her it was the old parking lot. She fell for it for about 10 seconds until I couldn't hold my laughter in anymore.

Parking lot on the Cay LOL:D
Lovin these!

"If I pee in the water someone told me it turns red", 😛

My favorite..."Do you have grocery stores?"
The reply..."No, and we are getting very hungry. Can you bring something down for us?"
Ugh.

Tourist ( after taking a quick look around our shop): This your store?
Me: Yes, it is.
Tourist: Well, you don't really think you can make a living selling this stuff, do you?

At the time I was too stunned to come up with a quick response. I think I mumbled something like "we're doing fine, thanks". What I should have said was " Well, I tried flushing our life savings down the toilet but it clogged.....this was the best alternative I could think of!"

I'm the caretaker for a vacation rental villa. A renter once said, "Not to downplay your role, but this place looks easy to maintain." In reality it takes 12 to 20 hours of work to get it all sparkling clean before each check-in.

While boating along a deserted beach:
Who owns that island ?
I don't Know.
Who Lives on it?
No one lives there.
Then Why did they put a beach there??

Boating by Carvel Rock:
Do those rocks go all the way to the bottom??

Every Day:

So where is home??

Tourist ( after taking a quick look around our shop): This your store?
Me: Yes, it is.
Tourist: Well, you don't really think you can make a living selling this stuff, do you?

At the time I was too stunned to come up with a quick response. I think I mumbled something like "we're doing fine, thanks". What I should have said was " Well, I tried flushing our life savings down the toilet but it clogged.....this was the best alternative I could think of!"

Or just respond: Yes, Ma'am, stupid tourists will buy ANYTHING as long as we write "St. Croix" on it. Would you care to buy a St. Croix plunger?

As a Realtor, the one that always makes me laugh is when showing people properties that have steep driveways and husband or wife says:

"Oh, we don't even want to look at this one. We'd never get our car up the driveway when it snows."

I just let them think about it for a moment or two and then respond, "THIS is our winter."

Some still take a few seconds more to catch on. Then one makes fun of the other for the rest of the day. I just figure this is a couple who hasn't quite grasped the concept of island life yet and they really have no idea what they are getting into.

But the single most stupid thing tourists do: Is go back to the mainland and continue to live in the rainy, cold, miserable place they came from!

Yeah one time I brought a girlfriend down to the islands, and when we first got there, my father's girlfriend and her were talking. I started to explain all of what I knew about the island's plants, bugs and animals. When I got to the end, I told them (very artfully) that there were essentially little red men with yellow polka dots that were very deadly, and to avoid them at all costs.

When my father got home from work, his girlfriend started asking him why he hadn't told her about these deadly little red men with yellow polka dots. He laughed and told me to cut the .....

Another dive master was asked as he was taking a lady for a shore dive," what altitude are we?"