relocation w/kids

Hello,
I would just like to say that about 3 yrs. ago, myself, husband and 2 small kids at the time traveled to St. Thomas and lived there for about 2 half years, it was cool but I was feeling alittle excluded from the world. But being back in the states with the hustle and bustle of the states and my dead end job , i am more than ready to come back to the island!!! I do agree that island life is not too cool for teenagers, but wonderful for younger kids

Hello, Jane,

hmmmm..."predictably belligerent"...I like that 🙂

Saying we are "not exposed to LIFE here" may ruffle some feathers. Those of us who live here and love it, with all of its faults, don't like to see our hometown slighted. We know it's not perfect.

My position is that if your child is in school in the States, leave him/her there and have them visit you during summer vacation. Don't bring them here and then complain. School-age kids from the States generally hate it here...no malls, and no friends. Not enough places to hang out. Foreign culture.

If you do decide to bring them, they should cooperate and endure. Their job is to go to school and get good grades, and maybe they can have some entertainment. Your job is to bring home the bacon, and you may be having a hard time too, but you endure. Parents rule. 🙂

St. Croix is not always a fit for people who grew up in the States and were subsequently spoiled by all of the conveniences and entertainment available. It is not the States, and it never will be.

"your major point seems to be that we shouldn't do sporting activities because we should be scared of getting hurt...get out there and live a little, dude."

No, point is those activities are available here also, or others just as dangerous.

Live a little? I spent the major part of my life as a military man in places you've probably never even heard of, doing stuff you wouldn't believe...try a HALO jump from an aircraft in the dead of night into a hot zone sometime...I've lived, and, luckily, still live. 🙂

Gee Jane, you seem to be a relatively new poster on this site. Alexandra (not Alex) and Native Son have been offering honest, POLITE and well-thought-out advice from their perspectives for some time now. I wonder if you're aware that your responses to their posts come across as bordering on rude.

Hello, Jennie,

My husband and myself lived in STT back in 2000 to 2002. It was also a dream come true for my hubby but I didnt care for it as much back then, felt isolated from the rest of the world, but we ar planning to move back by the end of this summer. After coming back and dealing with the hustle and bustle of the states, and let me tell you, Im in Baltimore now and the school system is not all that pretty either. As far as teenagers on the island , that may no be a good idea,but for younger children, its exellent.But please feel free to contact me if you have any other questions or concerns. my email address tcbknowledge@hotmail.com or naturalmama@yahoo.com.

peace and blessings,
Tasha & family

"PS... we lived in a 300 people ranching community in the wilds of Colorado... "

That actually sounds like a dream come true too! I've always wanted to see Colorado.....

One of the main reasons we want to relocate, is for our 4 year old. We've got it in our head, that it would be a perfect life for her. She will be homeschooled and we think she will thrive there. I'm still working through the teen issue. Not that it would be better or worse there, but like some others have explained, for them to be uprooted now in highschool, leaving their friends etc, might not be beneficial for them. AND if my boys DO decide to stay with their dad and I leave now while the youngest has 3 more years of high school, would THAT in itself be detrimental to their "metal health" (sorry counldnt think of another way to put it) Basically, would they be sad? mad? would it damage our relationship later in life if I left, should I make them go. These are the questions I am struggling with. My husband does not seem to have this struggle with his decision. He says if his highschool aged teens want to go, then they go, if they dont then that is THEIR decision and they will have to accept the emotional ups and downs their decision may cause. All of our kids have a good relationship with their "other" real parents, so worrying about their care would not be an issue. He feels that at their ages, they are more than capable, if not expected, to make their own decison about this particular issue. I dont mean to beat a dead horse, but typing out my concerns and hearing what you guys have to say about it really helps me alot.
Thanks!
angel

Emperors_Angel,

IMHO, the boys should finish high school without being uprooted. They have their social circle, they are comfortable, and it would be expensive to have two boys in private school here. They can stay with you during summer vacation.

When I was in high school my mother would go off-island to work. I only got to spend time with her during summer, and it wasn't detrimental to my mental health at all. I cherished the summers spent with my mother, and I never felt like she was abandoning me. She was just trying to make life better for us.

I don't think it should be left up to the kids to make decisions in this situation, again IMHO. It is an adult call, and the kids should dutifully go along with whatever the adults decide. Sure, they may have their own opinions, but parents rule. Homes are not democracies...at least mine wasn't 🙂

They will have all kinds of bragging rights when summer is over and everyone returns to school. How many of their buddies got to spend the summer in the VI, kayaking, snorkeling, soaking up the sun, sailing, etc...

young children - excellent idea - bring the sun screen !!!

I completely agree with Native son. Teens need to learn to adjust to wherever you move (within reason) because that's real life. You are giving them a life skill of adjustment and adaptation, rather than them assuming the world will give them thier way the same way you do. As they grow up, they will relocate for jobs, family, etc...and they need to learn how to take that sort of thing in stride.

Thanks Shelly 🙂

I taught at a private school here for a few years and watched a lot of kids come and go. They were always so anxious to get off the island. Funny thing is, many of them come right back here for vacation, LOL !!

It will be nice to know, sometime in the future when the rat race is sucking the life out of them, that there was this little oasis called St. Croix that they spent some sloowwww time on in days gone by. The fact that it did NOT have "everything" will be one of the things that they will find appealing.

jane - I did not suggest that video games were the optimum activity for teens. I merely said that teens on the mainland and teens on STX will spend their school days and free time in similar fashion. For many, that includes some time in front of a television and a video screen, especially in colder climates where winters are spent mostly indoors. My next sentence pointed out that the island climate allows for MORE sporting activities to be enjoyed year around. I agree fully that teens should be encouraged and challenged to explore many different activities to become well-rounded individuals. This is true no matter where they live. Every sporting activity you mentioned for your daughter as being things she only does on the mainland is something that could be done here easily enough. I'm not sure if they have skeet shooting at the rifle range, but marksmanship is certainly an option. In addition to all your other specific activities listed, the island also offers sailing and snorkeling and scuba and deep sea fishing and swimming and kayaking and skydiving and learning to fly and learning to play steel pan drums or to walk on stilts or to speak multiple languages, etc. The artwork produced by students at Good Hope rivals professional quality work done by artists from many places, so there would surely have been art workshops available to your daughter. There is no reason you could not have participated in any of these activities with her here on STX.

You object to the "limited community" on STX and then comment that you previously lived in a 300 person cattle community. How is that less limited than an island of more than 50K people, some gathered from dozens of countries and other islands, each bringing something new to the mix? What's missing here that the mainland has? Shopping malls? Traffic jams? Consumerism? Anonymity within a mass of disconnected humanity?

Your comment about "wealthy realtors" came across as rather snotty. There are indeed some realtors on STX who have been here for decades and have built a business over time that generates some very serious income. You work for two of them! For those of us who are newly arrived and just getting started, it will take years to build our own business, reputation and referral network, during which time the income will be unreliable at best. Most new realtors don't make it through their first year in the industry. For those who manage to stick it out, wealth MAY eventually come... someday... with a LOT of hard work... but that is also true in other industries, and why would that be something to disparage someone for? I work long hours 7 days a week, even when I have the chance to travel off-island. If my fiance weren't a pilot, I would rarely be able to travel elsewhere. That has nothing to do with being a realtor, wealthy or otherwise. But if I or others choose to economize in some areas of our budget to pull enough together to have the chance to travel to other places and experience more of the LIFE this planet has to offer, we don't really deserve snide comments because of it.

Broadway theater tickets are rather expensive. Going "regularly" would be tough for people to afford even if they live in close proximity to NYC. If you lived in a small cattle community in Colorado, getting to a true Broadway play must have involved a plane trip just as it would from STX. Production Theater has long been a rich man's diversion. Community plays are for the masses. Even better, people watching is FREE and can teach you so much about life that script writers can never get down on paper. You can people watch anywhere, including in the islands. Your stance that LIFE doesn't happen here really raised my eyebrows. I find that the homogenized "life" in metropolitan areas where so many people are endlessly worried about fitting in and acquiring more and pricier "stuff" than their "friends" have is less REAL than life as it is lived in the islands. Writers travel to remote, desolate and downtrodden places in hopes of experiencing LIFE in a way that it makes them actually feel something worth writing about. Cocooning your daughter in affluence isn't going to teach her about LIFE. The average person on this planet is living in poverty conditions, and such people are the ones with the highest awareness that LIFE is all they have in the world that they can call their own.

The USVI as they exist today are what they are because of the often uncaring actions of the governments that have ruled them through the centuries. The genetic and cultural realities of these islands (that are complained about by so many) were born of slavery and abuse and poverty and forced relocation and a revolving door at Government House as each new flag was raised to fly on high. Yet through it all, LIFE is the one thing that has continued to flourish. People who don't have much of anything materially appreciate each thing and each new experience that much more. It shows in the holiday celebrations and fetes and cultural activities that abound here, unlike the mainland where most families and communities have long since lost their roots and people are afraid to say Hello to a stranger they pass in the street. While hordes of people EXIST and mark time in such locations, how many really, really LIVE?

I'll take LIFE in the islands anyday.

Native Son - I see the kids growing up, graduating and heading off-island not as a sign that they truly hate life here, but as a natural evolution in their growth. If they lived on the mainland, they would still be leaving home for the first time at that age and either heading off to college or getting their first apartment with friends. That is an age for travel and exploration and developing into adulthood. Kids tend to leave small towns on the mainland also, at least for a while. They, too, often return once they have seen what else is out there and eventually realize that they didn't have it so bad after all and that life is generally the same most anywhere you go. In large cities, young adults can find the space to grow into their 20s without feeling they are being watched by their parents and family friends, but in small towns and on these islands you can't walk into a restaurant without recognizing half the people inside. Young adults aren't free to experiment or make a mistake without the embarassment of so many familiar eyes watching every move. So they go away for a while and when they come back they are more sure of who they are and possibly ready to appreciate those who gave them wings.

Jane,
Can you elaborate on how sending your child to public school was "the most horrific experience of my life"? What happened there that was so bad? How long did they attend public school? I'm just curious.

ok - joanne - alexandra is very capable of correcting her own name use - I can assure you - lol! Also remember she is only human like the rest of us and her profession has a vested interest in people relocating to the VI - no matter how ethical and honest i PERSONALLY know her to be.
native son - some good points, StX is a museum - for a very particular time and place in the amazingly broad sweep of time and geography of our world. Civil Wars, Chinese Dynastys, the Renaissance, the Great Wars, Pearl Harbour, the Vikings, the Space Race etc ad nauseam.
DL - no books - no teacher or substitute for over 40 days in 2 subjects ( and remember - block curriculum so only 4 subjects per sem.) During Black History month was made to watch film with class where whites were said to smell bad like wet chicken!!! No correction or footnote from teacher. No appontment available with principal for 2 months. Violence - stabbings fights - no supervision - racial abuse and threats screamed at her in parking lot etc in front of teachers and monitors with no attempt to chastise the abusers or counsel my kid.
I was twice told - you know how "you people" are.
She was there for one year - 9th grade for ROTC - her passion. She is a tough kid but it nearly destroyed her. She was the only 'white' child at Central and no-one from the top down made any attempt to learn about different cultures from her.
Spat on, threatened and ostracized is not a great way to learn academics. I didn't raise a quitter, but in the end I was told that a certain group had "spotted" her and she should be removed for her own good.

Jane,

Although I carry the screen name "Native Son" I am not native to STX...I came here when I was 9 years old.

Back then, people from off-island were derogatively called "aliens" and the children of "aliens" were not allowed into the public school system of the VI...never mind that their parents paid Federal taxes, which support the public schools. My mother remembers Charles Turnbull, the then Commissioner of Education, stating that he "did not want aliens in his public schools."

"Aliens" were allowed to attend public schools starting in 1968. We were poor, and couldn't afford St. Joseph's, so I was sent to Central High.

My first year at Central High, I was spat on, threatened, ostracized, and physically attacked. I attended high school with present senator Ronald Russel, and it speaks to his character that even way back then he was one of the few who actually stood up for the underdog...Ronnie saved me from a beating once, and I'll never forget it.

My salvation was martial arts. I got to be so good that I had my own school, and the bullies quickly left me alone. By my sophomore year I was fully integrated, and I actually got elected senior class president.

When I was a freshman, two Caucasian girls attempted to attend Central High. They lasted three days. I would never advise anyone to put their Caucasian children into the public school system. The adults in the Virgin Islands are generally polite, tolerant, friendly people, but their kids are another story. Many of them have been fed a diet of hatred and intolerance by various media personnel and gangsta rap music/videos.

Sometimes it has nothing to do with race, as in my case and the experiences of thousands of people who emigrated here from "down-island." It was only when the local boys started dating the "down-island" girls that the situation started to change. That's why we have such a mixed bag now...many of the so-called "natives" actually are only one generation away from being "down-islanders." The funny thing is, these newbie "natives" are among the most intolerant. No, I'm not advocating that your daughter date a native. If I had a daughter, I'd be Taliban-like. I do not like the behavior of current crop of young men...they are rapidly spoiling the VI.

I love STX, and I enjoy my life here...I will always stick up for St. Croix because the island has been good for me. It was nice to come back here after many years spent defending democracy all over the world. However, there are some issues here that are pretty much swept under the carpet, and those issues will someday need to be addressed if we are to be a viable, peaceful society. This message board is not the forum for discussing such issues, so I have tried to refrain from doing so...but I fully understand your situation Jane, as I've personally seen it happen...both to myself and to others.

As usual, I'll state my position, from the viewpoint of someone who has lived here for decades:

Do NOT put your Caucasian children into the Public School System of the US Virgin Islands. Homeschool, private school, or leave them in the States and have them visit during summer.

I'm not sure if I fully agree with your post, there are good native young men out there, many of whom are products of the public school system, who are trying to make a difference in the island. Yes there is a problem, but not all of us are lost. At least I'm not.

Unfortunately I've been that kid. At 12 I was "ripped" away from my family and friends. My mom met some guy got married and we moved 2 states away. All with in 2 months. So I know what your kids are going through...to an extent...Don't worry. Kids love to complain.

And something no one ever explained to me is...there is no going home. After we moved away I had "home" on this pedistal. I dreamed about it, obsessed over it and thought of nothing else. After I got married I talked...well pestered... ;)...My hubby in to bringing me "home." we finally got here. ..........And there is no more home. My "friends" don't remember me (I'm 22 now) and my family...cousins aunts uncles etc.Have all moved on with their own lives and never call or anything. That cozy feeling of being "home" is not there. I now realize that the old notion of "you home is where your hat is" and "Home is where you make it" are unfortunately true. Now I don't know if "home" still would be here had I never been forced to move. But only those of you who have been lucky enough to live near one spot can answer that.

So depressing story aside...

I turned out ok, we continued to move to 3 other states following trucking jobs.

My hubby and I ..(now that i have "home" out of my system) are moving to the VI in June. We have nothing tying us down and want to figure out where we want to reside before we have kids. The younger the kids are the easier it is.

Try to find things that will make the move exciting. Even if they don't get a "Vote" on the move. Make them feel like you are taking what they say into consideration and make them "change" their vote. I suggest the "new start" or "Chance to change your Idenity at a new School". The goth can become the prep or vise versa. Give them borsures of the island and water to their friends to make them jealous and give you kid an ego boost prior to the move.

Good luck!!!

I've posted a few times on this board, but never quite introduced myself. I'm not a native of St. Croix, but more or less grew up on the island (my parents were "snowbirds" but reside full time on St. Croix now that all the kids are grown and on their own). I'm in my mid thirties now, with four children of my own, and we've spent just about every summer on the island since my oldest daughter was born (12 years ago.)

I absolutely love St. Croix,and my children do as well. But, I have to agree with Native Son on this topic. The public school system in St. Croix is not a good "fit" for caucasion children. I'll even go one step further and say that children of any race, born in the states, would find it very difficult to carve out a niche for themselves in St. Croix's public schools. I truly believe the major reason for this is cultural difference rather than race.

As in any environment where one group is in the minority, there is bound to be conflict...and that conflict does not necessarily stem from race. Children in the minority will have trouble fitting in for any number of reasons. In St. Croix, some such reasons include difference in speech and dialect, difference in style (clothing,hair, etc.), difference in musical tastes, and yes, sadly, in some cases, misconceptions and prejudices (on both sides) regarding race.

Children (to include most teens), by their very nature, are immature and unaccepting. Acceptance, tolerance, and respect for humanity must be taught and modeled. Unfortunately, in our world today, this parental duty is more often than not neglected. Therefore, we are raising a generation of culturally ethnocentric, intolerant, and selfish children. Now, take these characteristics (which are present in all children and teens alike, regardless of race),add a dash of fear and misconception, and mix it all together in the underfunded, understaffed, uncontrolled environment that is the public school system, and you have a pot that is continually on the verge of boiling over.

We are an African American family with much time spent in St. Croix. I taught at Free Will Baptist for 3 years, prior to my husband's time in the military. St. Croix has been a part of my children's lives since birth. Having said that...they, also, have trouble fitting in with children on the island. I've been sending them to summer camp, beginning with my oldest, for the past six years in St. Croix, and it has taken me several years to find camps that support their interests, while maintaining a safe, friendly, respectful environment for both locals and statesiders alike.

And when we move to the islands this June (for 1 year, due to deployment), I will definitely continue homeschooling, since we cannot afford the private school tuitions, and public school is clearly not an option for us for all the reasons mentioned above.

It all boils down to this... St. Croix is a wonderful, beautiful, peaceful, serene, culturally diverse island that unfortunately has a problem with the public school system. But lets not forget, St. Croix is not alone in this (remember Columbine High School in Colorado, etc.). I'm willing to take the good with the bad in order to enjoy my little piece of paradise!

Hi leslie.

Your "The goth can become the prep or vise versa" gave me a good chuckle as I imagined a stateside goth girl wearing one of our public school uniforms and black boots with the obligatory island ruffles on her socks!

Now THAT"S a funny image.

DL said:

"I'm not sure if I fully agree with your post, there are good native young men out there, many of whom are products of the public school system, who are trying to make a difference in the island. Yes there is a problem, but not all of us are lost. At least I'm not."

You're absolutely right, DL, and I do apologize for the generalization.