relocation w/kids

Hi Sandra,

To which island are you and your family moving?

Love the idea of getting pen pals for your boys before the move. I'm sure that you know this already, but feel it can't be said too often: please be very careful when soliciting new friends for your kids through the Internet. Sadly, it's very easy for someone to misrepresent him/herself on the Net, and there are some twisted people out there who use opportunities like this to prey on innocent kids.

--HC

ST. Thomas Info-

We have pricemart and Cost-U-Less- buy in bulk stores. Most grocery prices are a bit higher than in the states. Do a search on this board and you will find many posts on that subject.

We have a Home Depot, so your husband will be fine

There have been many posts on schools, so do a search on schools as well.

For Pen Pals- Try contacting-

Boy Scouts of America
Virgin Islands Council 410
P.O. Box 7175
St. Thomas, VI 00801-0175
Phone: 340-774-2752

Good Luck!

moving to St. Croix

Sandra,

Tell your hubby to have no fear, there are lots of hardware stores on island. We don't have a Home Depot yet -- there was a rumor posted on this board recently that HD was considering opening a store in the old Cost-U-Less building across from the Sunshine Mall. But there is a Do-It Center near Sunny Isle (terribly over-priced from the items I looked at), plus Gallows Bay Hardware (great commercials starring the owner), the St. Croix Trading Company, UDL, PanAmerican Distributors (plumbing fixtures, tile and other flooring), Quality Electric (lighting), and Princess Hardware to name a few, plus two K-Marts.

When we did our remodeling, we found that taking a flight over to STT to shop at Home Depot well worth the investment. The Home Depot staff have got shipping orders to STX down to a science, and even with the shipping costs we paid less than buying the same items on island. We ordered by fax (after comparison shopping in person) on Saturday morning, and our complete order arrived the following Tuesday morning

For cigarettes plus groceries and a host of other items, Cost-U-Less will quickly become your favorite place. It's our version of Costco, but without any membership fee.

--HC

Check out the Home Depot website and you might notice postings seeking managers interested in relocating to St. Croix.... which sounds like Home Depot also thinks they will be coming to the island soon and it's not just a "coconut wireless" rumor.

Hi Sandra,
I am moving to the island this summer also. Several members of my family have been living on the island for approx. 20 years, but my military husband has had us moving all over the U.S. for the past 10! He is deploying for a year, so I am using this opportunity to "move home" for a while!

I have a 9 year old boy, (and 3 girls 12, 7,3).
My son would probably enjoy corresponding with your sons.

As far a soccer is concerned, there is the St. Croix AYSO which begins early registration in April and runs through August. The league is for ages 4-18. My son is also active in cubscouts, so I'm planning on seeing what's available in that department. I know theres boys/girls club, and I've found information on girlscouts, so I'm sure cub scouts are present somewhere on the island...perhaps someone knows the answer to that????

I can't help much as far as school information because I homeschool my children. I do know there are both public, private, and religious schools all over the island. Many of the private schools are EXTREMELY expensive (Good Hope, Country Day, Manor), but some are rather affordable (St. Mary's, Free Will Baptist, etc.) I taught at Free Will Baptist school 10 years ago, prior to dh military service, so I know more about the private school sector than public. Once again, perhaps someone can weigh in on this.

Hope this is helpful. Good luck with your move!
Erika

Erika

Thank you so much for your offer of penpal. Which area of St. Croix do you rec. I begin searching for housing. We are not looking for anything elaborate. Just 4 walls and a roof. My hubby is very handy. I've thought about homeschooling. How common is homeschooling on the islands. email me off the board (scarlett312@aol.com) and we can swap addresses. By the way someone did post a reply that included BSA, Virgin Islands. I'm a den mom and hope to continue with scouts. Sandra

thanks for the info. buying building materials on ST Thomas and having them shipped was one of the ideas my hubby was toying with. are there recognizable "US" brands at grocery store (Jif, Charmin, Tide, Dawn) ????? I'm new to message board chatting. thanks for being so nice. sandra

Gorcery stores (Pueblo, Plaza Extra) look just like the continent -- same brands. More ethnic stuff, some spanish labeling.

My best advice is not to jump into anything too quickly. Rent for a while until you get your bearings.

Sandra,

No worries about being new to message boards -- you're doing great.

Yes, there are nationally recognizable brand name products in the grocery stores, as well as local brands and products that I believe originate in Puerto Rico (the names and package info are in Spanish). The latter can be fun to discover - I never dreamed that one of my favorite childhood sandwich cookies would be sold here as Bimbos! However, you may not be able to find every brand you're used to at all, or something may end up being unavailable for a time while waiting for the next boat to arrive. This goes not only for groceries, but for just about everything from fast food (the Wendy's at Sunny Isle recently ran out of just about everything for 4-5 days) to prescription meds.

One big plus about Cost-U-Less and the grocery stores on island: they offer a huge variety of products in bulk. It really can help to keep yourgrocery costs manageable, and you'll do even better if you have a separate freezer. The widespread availability of bulk packaging also makes it easier to keep your hurricane readiness kit stocked with ready-to-eat foods like canned meats and fruit (may you never need to use it!)

The only major challenges I've faced grocery wise are finding Diet Dr. Pepper and finding bread products that taste right to me. With the Diet Dr. Pepper, some can be found every now and then in one of the KMarts, but it's totally random as to the timing of when it arrives and how much they have when they finally get some. (In fact, finding any diet sodas except Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi can be difficult.) Neither the Hip Hubby or I can figure out why we're so disappointed with the bread and sandwich rolls down here -- there's just something in both taste and texture that we just don't like. Haven't heard anyone else complain about bread, but there's a pretty widespread agreement among the continentals (what transplants from the mainland are called) that finding a decent, "real" donut on island is impossible.

If you haven't done so yet, order a copy of the Settlers' Handbook from this web site. It is THE must-have guide to all things necessary to know about moving to the USVI. Everyone I know who has talked about having the best move possible had two things in common: they used this board a lot, and they had a Settlers' Handbook that was pretty dog-eared by the time they arrived (and then got used even more to find their way to what they needed while getting familiar with the lay of the land). It's a wonderful investment to make.

--HC

The name of the Scout Executivefor the VI Council is Matt Holmes. he is a relativenewcomer to the islands as well. He is based on St. CRoix at this time, although the council office is currently on ST. Thomas. I do know he would be happy to hear from any current scouters moving to the islands, I am sure if you call the council office they would be able to put you in touch with him.

I too am talking to my two teens about coming with me to STT for a year or two. I am watching the replies also... Thanks Robert

Were coming from CT.

My husband and & I are moving to STT in early June with our 2 sons, ages 13 and 16. I have been reading the postings and researching the schools, and am getting discouraged about the cost of sending them to a private school. From everything I've read, public schooling doesn't seem to be a good option. However I can't afford $1500-$2000 a month for private. I am starting to consider home schooling, but hate the thought of them being isolated and not around other kids. They aren't too thrilled about moving down as it is. It's a dream come true for my husband and I to be moving there, but we'll be miserable if they are. I'd love to hear others' feedback about how teens cope with the change, what are good options for schooling, what the website is for home schooling, what they can do with their spare time, how to keep them safe without keeping them chained up at home, and how to feel comfortable teaching a 16 year old to drive those dangerous roads!!
I appreciate any advice you can give us!
Jennie

Hi Jennie,
You ask alot of good questions. Unfortuneatly I cant answer any of them! I too am in your situation... kind of. My husband and I are both divorced and have 6 kids between us. 2 girls live with us age 4 and 15 and his 2 other children ages 18 and 16 live with their mom, and have no desire to come to the island, and my two boys 16 and 14 live with their dad. My boys have decided to live with me again, we are going to court in May. Blah blah blah, VERY long story, anyway... the deal is.. now that my husband and I have made this decision to move, the kids dont want to go. Actually refuse to go. Said they will stay with their dad. But would be very hurt if I left. I feel like someone just squished me like a bug. I guess I was being selfish and not considering all the problems my move would cause.
bummed..... angel

Believe me, it is HARD to deal with the complaining and fights with the teens once you force them to come to the island. We live in STX. My husband and I relocated for a job and brought my teenage girls with us. They did NOT want to come here because they didn't want to leave thier friends and family. Well,...I made them come anyway. (by the way,..did i mention my husband is thier stepdad and they threatened me with the same "i'm going to stay with dad" stuff.) It's not 3 months later, and they are still mad at me and want to go home. They've made friends on the island, but still miss the states. We homeschool, by the way...because private schools for highschool age kids is waaaaaaaaaaay out of my financial league for 2 kids. If you do homsechool, your kids will still find friends here if they go to the jumpups and other local events. There is also a website called "myspace" that alot of the local private school kids post on so they can keep in touch. If you don't have thick skin, then I wouldn't bring your teens here. If you can deal with the complaining and deal with them totally taking the island for granted, then go ahead and move. It's been really hard for me...but I'm sticking it out because i love it here.
Shelly

I have to chuckle when I read about teenagers who don't want to come to the islands....granted, my children are grown...and it's been a WHILE since I was 14....but I've had this discussion recently with someone else from the board who's stepdaughter doesn't want to come down either (currently living with dad).

Ladies and gents, remember back when you were in your early and late teens...Was there TRULY anyone in your life more important than your circle of friends? Mom and dad - they were somewhat taken for granted, if not a a noose around your neck. These kids are in the middle of searching for their identity and so much of it is found through their friends - it's called growing up. And if we as adults are having trouble adjusting, why would we think they would just kick up their heels at the chance to leave everything that is familiar to them and set off on what WE think is a grand adventure? It ain't all boogey-boarding on the beach - they have their niche, whatever it is, and that is a safety zone of sorts in their own minds. Mom and dad don't understand, blah, blah...happens to every generation.

For what it's worth, my kids lived with dad, lived with mom, didn't like whoever they were living with at the time - and the truth of the matter is that I wasn't particularly nuts about them either, loved 'em but found them trying, to say the least. They were obnoxious teenagers, but mostly they'd found a comfort zone outside their home and good or bad, it was making them the men they are today. I can't say I honestly started "liking" my boys as real people until they hit their early 20's.

Mine are grown now - we waited to come until they were pretty well set for life - and one is a professional golf caddy and one is a soon-to-be law school graduate. There were times in their teenage years I just figured I'd have to alternate weekends at the penitentiary to be able to see them! Now they are fine young men and the golf caddy wants to come "home" - STX - which he has been on for a grand total of 6 weeks last January! They still miss mom - I suspect coming "home" means "being near mom", but maybe that's my own ego talking!

Point being: what is your dream is NOT their dream. That's not to say you shouldn't say "I'm the mom, and because I say so"...but DO take your children's feelings into consideration when planning your move. They're telling you straight up they don't want to come - RIGHT NOW. Listen. Consider putting your dreams on hold for a while unless there's a really good reason for taking them away from what they know. I "forced" my kids to live in different locales while growing up, and each and every change was so difficult for them and probably made all of our lives more difficult than they needed to be. Continuity and stability make for more stable kids, or at least as stable as they can be and still be teens.

Off the soapbox!

Great post, Becky 🙂

Seconded.

public schooling is not an option. we tried it - it was the most horrific experience of my life - my daughter then spent the next 4 years at Country Day - excellent Private school - most of us just see the cost of schooling as an 'Education Tax".
After graduation, most kids cannot wait to get off the island - back to the "real World"
as my own put it - how many times can one go to the beach? Don't get me wrong - she sailed and dived etc.
I would not do it all over again - I think on balance, we deprived her of art, music, theater, and in general a rounded life - we do not travel as much as we would if we were still in the states - when you put the airfare on top, a weekend camping trip, or Broadway, or historic battleground etc etc etc.
The kids are also sick of each other.
I would definitely bring younger children her, but not teenagers - especially not troubled or angry ones - too much ammunition for the little dears - lol
weed, sex and alcohol use is also rampant among the older teens. even the so-called "good ones'.
St Croix is not perfect and this is one area that it does not shine. that is all that I am saying.

My sons found that there was MORE for them to do on STX than where we had lived before moving here. Teens do pretty much the same things in the islands that they would do on the mainland... go to school, hang out with friends, watch tv, spend too much time playing video games, etc. In colder climates, most of their activities are done indoors to avoid the rain/snow/wind. In the islands they spend more time outside and sporting activities are done more frequently and year around. The schools still have sporting events and musical groups and there isn't a severe restriction on the percentage of students who get to participate as happens in schools with 500 kids per grade, such as the one we moved from.

The downside for my sons was that there were fewer teens to interact with to find compatible personalities for friendships. They also found that most of the teens at their school (Good Hope) were into some level of drug use. Since they didn't want to go down that road, that limited their teen interaction further. Fortunately they had each other to hang out with! I think that if the private schools made more of an effort to get the kids from the different schools together socially it would benefit them all dramatically. Some of the kids do interact between the schools, but many do not get that chance often enough.

Teens emulate the behaviour they see in adults. Adults move to the islands and often tend to hang out at beach bars meeting new people while drinking beer and doing shots. Teens either reject the beach scene or they embrace it. If they reject it, it does limit their options for things to do. If they embrace it, they may also embrace the alcohol consumption that often goes with it. If teens see hanging out at the beach as a close alternate to hanging out at the mall on the mainland, it can become just another place to socialize and doesn't necessarily have to involve heavy drinking.

I didn't feel my sons were deprived of activities and opportunities by living in the islands. This was a different activity and opportunity in itself. They did each lose one activity they were involved in where we used to live, but they also gained some activities here. Many people spend their entire lives living in some small town with far less to do and without ever getting out to see another piece of the world. My youngest son is spending this year in a high school in a small town on the mainland (in cold, drizzly weather) and now describes his days as going to school and then going to lift weights and then going home to do homework, have dinner, watch tv and not much else beyond going to an occasional hockey game on the weekends. He's looking forward to spending the summer on STX where he has "things to do". This is a similar phenomenon to what happens with some adults who move here and then return to the mainland because they have themselves convinced they're being deprived of something.... and then once back in their hometown they regret leaving the islands.

It does help if you have the ability to travel to other islands and/or back to the mainland a few times a year. It reminds you frequently that life is better here in many ways while giving you the chance to participate in the few activities available elsewhere that aren't on the play list here. Jane mentioned Broadway plays. The local theater group and the private school productions are as much or more than many mainlanders ever attend, but if you need a Broadway fix, Jet Blue has cheap tickets to NYC. Skiing and other cold weather sports are good examples of activites people often miss when they move here. These are things that most people do only occasionally even on the mainland, so incorporating them into trips to visit family and friends can usually be done.

As far as bringing your kids if they say they don't want to move... remember that many families are more mobile these days than in years past. Don't automatically feel guilty if you make a decision as an adult that affects your children, even if they whine about it or argue against it. That's what parents do! Jobs take people places and divorces often force moves. Kids don't generally get the ultimate say in those things. Talk to them about it, of course, and listen to their concerns. You can likely ease many of their fears. Something new is often scary, but that doesn't make it inherently bad. In many cases, getting teens away from a few friends who might not be such great influences isn't an entirely bad idea, either. If your teens are the most popular kids in their current school and you move them away from that, they may balk... but kids who are popular in one school will likely be social enough to make friends quickly in a new school. If they get treated with less adoration in the new school, that may actually be an experience that helps them grow as a person! If your teens aren't as actively social where you are moving from, maybe the change of scenery will do them some good and give them a fresh start without the stigma of past, failed friendship attempts with kids they knew all their lives. Some really great kids do get stuck in the "outcast" category in schools and towns all around the world and most of them would do better if given a do-over.

How your kids react to the move is largely in how you manage the spin. You get to set the stage and the expectations. If you start by apologizing to them for moving them, of course they are going to think it's a bad thing... or why would you apologize? If you approach it as an adventure and an opportunity, they might catch that attitude. I strongly believe that ALL teens should participate in a foreign exchange program at some point in high school and/or college so they can get a glimpse of the world beyond their encapsulated upbringing. Life in the islands is different enough from the mainland to qualify as a foreign exchange experience. Your teens get the luxury of continuing to live with family during the experience. They can immerse wholey or in part in the culture and opportunities available in this new place.

As adults, they will likely go through several moves and major changes before they settle into their niche town/job/relationship in life. How they deal with a move and changes now will impact how successful they are later. Learning to cope with change (even embrace it and make it an opportunity, not a trial) rather than to resist it is an important lesson everyone needs to learn in life.

WOW. Those were some great posts to read. I felt alone in this whole teenage mess. I would not have "forced" my kids to live here if thier dad wasn't horribly abusive (in the states). I had to get as far away as I could. They only have 2 years here with me, then they are back to the states and off to college, so I'm hoping this chaotic mess will calm down eventually and they will finally see this as an opportunity and not a prison sentence. Almost each teenager they've met on this island hates it here and wants to "go back home". The only ones who like it here have been raised here for years and are used to it. Mine miss malls, friends, movies and hanging many other activities they used to do.
I think the homeschooling causes even more stress on us, but I hope we can all just learn to get along better. One of my twins went job hunting today and found a job on the spot. i think that will help her feel more at home. I can fully understand what Becky means about "not liking your kids at this age, but loving them anyway." I personally don't LIKE being around them right now, but I know they need me now more than ever.

alex, i expect my teenager to do far more than watch TV, hang out or play video games etc.
Rock climbing, skeet shooting, horseback riding, hiking, museums, art workshops, mountain biking on forest trails etc are just some of the things that she did and does now she is back in the US.
Not all of us are wealthy realtors so even the "cheap" tickets to NY are certainly not doable on a regular basis.
Whilst I am a fan of amateur dramatics - I would question the parallel between Ibsen and our good old island standbys. Les Miserables or the Island Theater.
I stand by my prmeise that they are not being exposed to LIFE here. I agree cross cultural exchange is good and travel to foreign climes - my own has travelled from another continent...but to live full time in such a limited community...I am not sure.
PS... we lived in a 300 people ranching community in the wilds of Colorado... not a cosmopolitan city.

Hmmm....

"I stand by my prmeise that they are not being exposed to LIFE here. I agree cross cultural exchange is good and travel to foreign climes - my own has travelled from another continent...but to live full time in such a limited community...I am not sure"

"Rock climbing, skeet shooting, horseback riding, hiking, museums, art workshops, mountain biking on forest trails etc"

rock climbing -- kid falls and breaks neck
skeet shooting - kid gets hurt in firearms accident
horseback riding -- Christopher Reeves much?
art workshops -- Country Day School has artists trained at SCAD. The USVI is home to world-class artists like Dove and Preston Doane.
mountain biking -- STX hosts a world-class triathlon
museums -- we live on one

not being exposed to LIFE here -- no, we don't have as many pedophiles, child abductors, serial killers, crackheads, and methamphetamine freaks as in the continental United States...sorry.

limited community? Please explain...I've never felt limited.

Don't try to live vicariously through your children. What they need at this point in life is a great education and parental bonding.
Later in life when you need her she will be too busy pursuing her entertainments to be bothered with you. Right now my mother-in-law, who has Alzheimers, lives with us. Funny, the child who didn't get to do all of the horse-back riding and the tilting at windmills, but instead took the time to bond with Mommy, is the one now changing Mommy's diapers. The others are still "trying to find themselves."

HINT: All those activities will still be there to enjoy later, once all of the important things are taken care of.

ok..native son...predictably belligerent as usual
living vicariously etc. tiny bit self important today are we?
you know nothing - my child and I have always done this stuff as a family - all the experts confirm these activities to be the stuff that familial bonds are made of.
I don't know where you have lived in the States to come with all the child molesting and drug horror stuff...but I suspect you are garnering your info from the news media...don't you normally complain that the media exaggerates St X's problems. hmmmmmm.

your major point seems to be that we shouldn't do sporting activities because we should be scared of getting hurt...get out there and live a little, dude.