Meeting People (STX)

charlotte - I've found that most of the gatherings, especially at bars for drinks, are informal and not often invitation events. Most anywhere you stop in at there will be friendly people willing to chat and get to know you. Lots of people have a couple of places they go as "regulars" and you can get to know them more over time if you like the ambience and the people you meet and choose to go back. There are more formal, invitation-style social events among some groups on the east end with different people hosting cocktail parties and such at their homes. The casual beach bar or boardwalk pub outings tend to be friendlier and more welcoming and easier for someone new to break into the "regular" crowd. Just show up and say Hello.

Hello Charlotte,

I think its interesting that you brought up locals that are originally from the US mainland in regard to an attitude that is many times tied to West Indian locals.

It has been said before by folks that moved here that they find many of the local West Indian people to be stand-off-ish, friendly but guarded. Sort of feeling out what you are all about first before being too friendly. I've seen it, perhaps even conveyed it myself. But I didn't really attribute this to locals originally from the Mainland until quite recently and considering it was only 1 person's point of view I still really don't, thats why I find you bringing it up as well to be interesting. In any case I recently had a local (originally from the mainland) tell me that he rather not befriend new residents from the states because in many cases the ones in his age group are only on island for season or he recognizes that they won't be staying long and rather not invest time into building a friendship and added that they are often interested in partying, nightlife which are things he's done and is longer interested in. I'd have to talk to others to see if this opinion is shared. I do know on St. Thomas a lot of the younger new residents from the states hang out together, particularly those in seasonal jobs and those attending the university.

With your age group, and more so because you said St. Croix I find it a little surprising because I've seen so often where folks of this board have invited people to come out and hang at Off the Wall (although I think folks have now moved to the restaurant/bar at Cane Bay instead?), there is one night a week where folks play (I don't remember what game, I think trivial pursuit - LindaJ had told me about it so perhaps she can fill in the blanks about that) and invitations have been made on the board for that. So I suppose I would have thought if the sentiment is here it must also be in person.

So I guess the question to the folks on on St. Croix that are in Charlotte's age group - what do you guys think is the way to go about meeting people? Any particular gathering places, events? And do you think there is a conservative approach to new residents in terms of making friends and invites for dinner etc.?

--Islander

Yes, I do think there is a conservative approach from some people - I had that exact sentiment relayed to me in a private email today - but Charlotte, there is SO much to do - go to every Jump Up, every Starving Artist sale at Whim, anything at the Botanical Gardens, the Food Festival, parades...whatever your interests are you will find like kind. Sometimes I think it is just easier to strike up a conversation on common ground, such as at a plant sale or whatever. You will even see the same folks at Cane Bay or whatever beach you choose every weekend with their snorkel gear and it's pretty easy to strike up a conversation. As far as formal invitations, usually it's just people turning out and it's catch as catch can.

Alexandra is right - many of the gatherings are incredibly informal and Cane Bay Reef Club is only one place where a bunch of regulars hang out at (but go early on Friday night for the all you can eat shrimp, especially if Splash is playing - it's packed!). Linda and Ric J are usually there on Friday nights and will make you feel more than welcome. Annie the bartender is great - just walk right on up and tell folks you're new and don't know anyone - by the end of the night you will have made a new group of friends. Doesn't mean you'll get together for drinks twice a week, but it does mean wherever you land you will find the group that appeals to you most.

The Trivial Pursuit game is on Monday nights at the Cormorant - as I understand it, it's a really good time full of lots of laughs and all ages. I haven't been because I'm a little too trivial for even that game...but many of the board regulars are there and have a great time.

Charlotte,
I'm sorry that you feel the folks on STX have not been as friendly as you thought we would be. I can't give you a satisfactory reason. I would tell you that we play Trivia on Monday nights at Gertrudes. It starts at 7:00 with a lot of us coming about 6:30 for dinner.

On Friday's you will usually find a bunch of us at the Full Moon Beach Bar at Cane Bay. Tables can be hard to come by as they have all you can eat shrimp for $15 and live music. We usually get there about 6:00. I'm the guy who looks like Santa Claus at his summer gig. Just ask the bartender to point me out.

You, and everyone else is more than welcome to join us. Formal invitations are unusual here, but anyone is welcome.

Ric

Thanks Ric - forgot it had moved to Gertrude's...Charlotte, that's out toward Hovensa on whatever road that is on the east side that leads into it (geographically challenged)!

Cane Bay Reef Club is different than the Full Moon Bat at Cane Bay. The Full Moon Bar is where the shrimp feed is on Friday nights... just to clarify! And boy is it packed. Saturdays and Sundays are also very busy with lots of people who are happy to meet and chat with anyone and everyone. Mark Eckard is the musical entertainment on Saturdays and the music for Sunday Brunch varies. Sometimes the older crowd can be found at Cheeseburgers in Paradise, especially on any nights they have live music playing. Some friends of mine have put a band together and perform out at Chicken Charlie's at Solitude many Saturday nights. Brew Pub has specials of one sort or another most nights and the live music events always bring in a crowd. The list goes on and on.

And once again I am incorrect - thank you, Alexandra. Guess I just go and don't pay a lot of attention to names or I'd know roads, landmarks, and the name of where I'm headed!

Thanks for suggestions and your remarks,
Charlotte

As a frequent tourist since 1989, I think what Charlotte is experiencing is perhaps a slight difference in culture/life style from the mainland. Although I have been invited to drinks (and even dinner) at the homes of locals (both American transplantsand West Indian), I'm not sure this is the norm and that's okay.

I think all of the advice is good, and you can always start the ball rolling by inviting someone to your place or issuing an invitation to meet somewhere yourself.

Actually, the Cormorant, now the Palms, has changed ownership of its restaurant. It is now run by Jason and Elizabeth and is called Elizabeth's, and they no longer have trivia on any night. But it still is a nice and relaxing place to have breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I have been on the island of St Thomas for a month. I have found it kind of hard to meet people if you are not into hanging out at bars. the locals act with indifference. I always smile and say good afternoon or whatever to the local west Indians, and they look at me like i pissed on there shoe.I thought that maybe it was just one time fluke that maybe that person was having a bad day, but after a month of being here I get the impression that they are bothered by my being here. True I will be gone at the end of October, and do not plan to invest in my future here. I live in a tourist driven area back in the states, and we are friendly and courteous to people visiting from other places. I have never felt more out casted then I do here. maybe it is a cultural thing that I dont get.

People who have been here a long time don't wish you would leave, they EXPECT you will leave and sooner rather than later. Many don't want to take the time to make friends with someone who will be gone tomorrow.

Is Mark Eckard still there?

Yes, Mark is still here and playing at various places 4-5 times a week. I usually catch him at Full Moon on the weekends.

Why is it that so often I interpret the sentiment within this board that it is not worth making friends if they are soon to leave? I think this is a poor excuse. Lets face it people are just not friendly here, its not because you may leave in a year or two. I mean really, what’s the cost of making friends? So what if they may leave, its still fond memories and who knows what the future holds. It doesn’t cost you anything. Its not like a new made friend leaves and you are left with a deficit. It’s not expensive to make friends.
Call it what it is. Beyond the thin veneer of wishing you good morning, day, or night locals just think you’re in the way and wish you weren’t here. That’s been my take anyway.
I know if the roles were reversed and someone moved to my home town, even if it was just for a year contract, their experience would be much more pleasant then mine here.

Another place to meet people ( usually an somewhat older crowd ) is Trivia night. On Mondays they meet at Knollys ( spelling probably off ) and on Tuesdays another group meets at Chicken Charlies.

I often wonder why so many people who move here are surprised that the locals, of all races, are not as friendly and welcoming as they think they should be, or would be if it was a small rural community in the states. My wife and I have lived on STX for a year and a half and have loved every minute of it. I have not had a single negative encounter with anyone here and have never thought that I was being treated differently because I was a Caucasian. Maybe a clerk or two at K-Mart came across as a little rude, but they appeared to treat everyone in line the same way. While the vast majority of our friends here are fellow transplants, that is exactly how it was for us back in the states.
We moved to a rural Virginia community in the early 1990s and lived there for 13 years before moving here. However, none of our friends we made while living there were actually born in the county. Even those who had lived there for 20 years or more were still considered outsiders and had few, if any, local friends. While almost everyone was generally pleasant to outsiders, and we were on friendly terms with many locals, there was still a distinction between those born there and those who moved there. So, I am not at all surprised that we do not have any friends (i.e., people that we socialize with) who were born here. It is difficult enough to be accepted by the locals when you share the same culture, which is certainly not the case for most who move here from the states.

Mango,

I'm sorry you feel the way that you do in your take that "people are just not friendly here." I must disagree with you.

What I can say with some degree of authority is that no, you're certainly not going to experience that bounce of immediate bonhommie as is found in several rural areas of the mainland where the local Welcome Wagon comes around bearing you gifts and the neighbours invite you over to their pool for a swim and drinks and a BBQ, or welcome you with a hot apple pie or a tuna casserole.

When I moved to rural Connecticut from England back in the 60's I'd already moved around a lot during my short life and had no built-in parameters relating to moving and acceptance, just hunkered down as I was used to doing, worked my jobs and built my homebases and never gave any thought to being "welcomed" to any degree. After 17 years of living there (and eventually making some wonderful friends with whom I stay in touch with most fondly after all these years) I moved to STT over two decades ago but again with no expectations of being greeted.

Making friends here is no different really than making friends anywhere else in the world in any community. Acquaintances are easy to come by here if you're a likeable person, same as anywhere else. And that goes for "local locals," "transplanted locals," and "newbie locals" whatever you want to call them - our particular environment is certainly a little unique in that respect.

Frankly, I always considered myself very fortunate if I could count my "friends" by the fingers on one hand. I'm more than fortunate that that number has exceeded that one hand over several years but my acquaintances still and always will by far outnumber my friends and that's just life and is just fine, in my humble opinion. You get what you give and I hope that your opinion will change in time and that you'll eventually find that people's kindnesses to you here will soften your stance a little. Cheers!

STT Resident,

Next time I'm on STT, I'm making a point of coming over to say hi -- you and I sound a lot alike. LOL.

I too, am not necessarily interested in making a lot of friends. Here on STX, Ric and I have a pretty big circle of acquaintances, some more "friendly" than others, and that seems to suit us. We both work and have the same relationship with co-workers here that we had in the states. We play Trivia with a team every week, we have folks we dive with every week or so, and I eat breakfast 2 or 3 times a week at the same place with the same regulars.

But, of course, we have each other and that means a lot.

One of things that we Americans have never really gotten used to:

Acquaintenances do not equal friends.

A friend is someone you can call in the middle of the night and will come out and help to fix a flat tire.

You can have a lot of acquaintences but few friends.

Mango: I don't think people on this board say that it is not worth making friends because they are going to leave. I do think that anyone who has lived here for a decent amount of time has had someone leave. You might expect it, but still, if you have put your heart out there and suddenly they are gone, the next time, you will be a bit more guarded. All life represents risk, to quote Scott Peck. The price of cathexis is pain which is just another growth opportunity. 🙂

A lot of truth to that.

Allan, a good friend is someone you can call to bail you out of jail for doing something foolish. A true friend will be sitting right there next to you in jail! Did you hear that one before?

Mango, are you the one who said you would call me yesterday and didn't? You could have called and said you weren't coming. Would you not have done that in your hometown?
If not the same Mango, I apologize. But how people called Mango are out there?

Ronnie from Villa Fairview

hmmm there must be another mango. I never noticed before. Apologies all around. My name is Dan. Ive lived on stx for a year, white, 6 foot, 200lbs. I hope that clears things up. I shall attempt to change my call sign to mango2 to avoid future confusions.

PS. I just reread my post and admit that it seems a little too negative. I must have been having a bad day. I miss my family and friends during the holidays is all. There is no comparison of the love of a small New England town. The truth is that I still have more good times here then bad. Its just different. I tell myself all the time that no one asked me to come here. that keeps me humble, well usually.
I wish you all a happy holiday.
Be well,
Dan