Gay couple moving down island!

St. Thomas and St. Croix are not that far from each other so a trip that includes visiting both islands is very easy to arrange. You might look into a ticket itinerary that flies into St. Thomas airport and out from the St. Croix airport. You can then get a one way ticket on the seaplane or a small commuter airline like Cape Air to hop from St. Thomas to St. Croix.

Also you asked if folks thought St. Croix was more tolerating.

I'd say it’s likely about the same. There is a laid back attitude on both islands in regard to people not getting overly involved in what the Jones are doing up the street but this doesn't mean they won't talk or gossip about it amongst themselves. The population on both islands is similar in terms of religious beliefs so a similar level of disfavor toward homosexual behavior but not necessarily toward the person, meaning if you show respect and show that you are nice person you'll likely receive the same in return regardless of what the person thinks of your sexual preference. You might sense a stand-offish-ness, but an outright meanness isn't likely. I find that those that have the higher level of disfavor are the older people and even then I’ve heard some say I don’t like it but it’s not really my business. Certainly you’ll find some that have something to say about it to you directly or at least in passing you with the intent of you over hearing their comments.

So keep doing your research, see if a trip that includes a stay on both islands (and you actually can day trip to St. John and Water Island from St. Thomas by a quick and inexpensive ferry ride so you actually could cover all 4 islands) is possible for your budget and for you and then check it out.

--Islander

Hey Albert,

You had asked if my partner and I told people we were a gay couple during our visit....well, if they asked, they were told. I'm in my early 40's and my partner is a little older, so it would be unlikely that anyone would mistake us for college roomates. In conversation we did tell people we were looking at various property so I would venture a guess that most people understood that we are a gay couple.

One bartender that we spoke with got right to the point....if you're basically a good person, you'll be accepted by the community. If you're a jerk ( straight or gay) you're going to have problems.

Our realtor and his partner have been on St. Croix for over 15 years and love it. I would highly recommend him ( not high pressure at all, and a very amusing person as well as a lot of experience on the island) Alexandra Marshall posts a lot of great information on this board, and I understand she is highly recommended too.

Albert, as a gay guy, you should know that it is not anyone's business at all whether you are gay or not- unless you choose to tell them. You should not worry at all about what people's reactions are going to be, especially when it comes to strangers. Being gay is a very important part of a person's life, no matter what some people may say. Telling people is your decision. I could be wrong, but you seem to enjoy the fact that no one would ever guess you are gay, and that is cool - I consider myself "masculine" as well. But even though you say you are not a "stereotypical" gay couple, I'm sure more people "know" about you and your partner than you believe. That's the way of the world now.

There are plenty of gay politicians in the VI, and even though you are not interested in meeting gay single people, I doubt you will have any problem making friends, as you seem likea nice, intelligent guy. And if these people do not want to be your friend because you are gay, to hell with them.

Besides, being gay will be one of the last things on your mind if you move here. There are PLENTY of other day-to-day things to keep your mind occupied and puzzled. THINK VERY CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU MAKE THE MOVE.

Dear Albert,

I couldn't agree more with the response from "itsnotabigdeal." I think you've received some very good information from this Board in general. Nothing is written in stone here because of the diversity of the population and your sexual preference is nobody's damned business but your own.

The only time that I saw vaguely menacing homophobic attitudes was when exiting the former, "Wet Willy's" many years ago. Not a place to which I would normally go, they were nonetheless hosting a transvestite affair. To say that it was hilarious would be an understatement, it was a real SHOW with a former VI resident returning here to "star" in this wonderfully tacky performance and where the guys all did their stuff dressing up and lip-syncing and dancing to the taped music. The rather pudgy Frenchy guy (can't remember her stage name) was so awfully good (and I mean that literally!)

Anyway, a great time was had by all the performers and the very diverse group of onlookers but it WAS disturbing when the show was finished and the crowd left and there were a bunch of young locals hanging outside who yelled, "f***ing antiman" to every male who walked out of there, and equally nasty epithets to every exiting female, Fortunately, everybody ignored them, just went to their cars and drove away and the youths themselves did nothing but hurl their epithets.

Frankly, I felt very much like bashing their heads against a wall to knock some damned sense into them but...

Innumerable people live here very comfortably with their same-sex partners and have no problems whatsoever.

As far as the Governor being gay? Well, of course we've all heard the stories both about him and about other higher-ups in the administration. Does anybody really give a damn?

I don't care if the Governor or any elected official is gay or has a friendly goat. I care more about what either the Governor or the elected officials do to really earn their grandiose salaries.

Cheers, and may your transition to the islands be tempered by calm seas and easy skies. Lord knows when you start dealing with DMV, Innovative and everyone else your hands will be well filled!

Albert,

My partner of 22 years and I moved to St Croix 2 years ago. We went with the most successful realtor on the island (in terms of sales), David Fedeles (fedeles.com) who just happens to be gay. He's a great guy, and we have become good friends with him and his partner.

In the two years there we have NEVER encountered the first bit of prejudice or bad comments. We have been accepted everywhere, included the oldest and most prestigious social club on the island.

We're a little older than you (46/50), and don't really go out much, but there is much to do on the island. The weather is perfect, the restaurants are great, there is quite a bit of culture. There are always social/philanthopic events to go to. There are quite a few gay people, and the dinner party circuit is hopping.

I would highly advise a visit. We'd love to show you around. PM me for more details. I have no personal knowledge of adoption, but if it were done in NY I really don't think the VI government would care. (They tend not to care about a lot of things.) Give STX at try. I think you'll like it.

I agree with dntw8up. However, I was pleasantly surprised to see gay couples dancing together as we rung in the New Year in Frederiksted. I would guess the majority of the customers at the restaurant were continentals, but everyone was enjoying the big night.
Best wishes.

Hello there. My room mate just told me about your posting. I was away working on my doctorate, so am just replying now.

This island not only has a healthy gay population, but is also a basically "who cares"attitude. How you are as a community member, neighbor, etc. really is what seems to matter to people. Just like with religion, people here don't push. With matters concerning being gay, no one really cares, but the culture is "whatever it is, it's fine, but just don't push it on me".

I think the island's Halloween party is a good example. It is the WHOLE island. This year it took place in a family type hotel, but about half of the croud (and it was a croud!) was gay, the straights were in drag anyway, and everybody got along.

Diversity. Respecting others cultures. Very important for all. I know that you might have gotten some less than happy emails back, and if you did, those folks are definitely in the minority and probably just don't like anyone.

I am a licensed clinical psychotherapist and have been for 20 years. My first 'assignment' on the island was to delve into the culture and understand as much as I could. I think my take on it is pretty accurate from all socioeconomic levels.

Hope this is of some help to you. If you would like more info or to speak in person, just email me at Affiliationllc@aol.com and give me your number. I'll call and would be candid with you about any concerns you might have.

Warm regards,

DjG
Licensed Clinical Psychotherapist
Forensic Evaluator

Hello there again. I forgot to mention that the island I live on is St. Croix. In terms of the above, I have never experienced anyone asking about or promoting their religion, nor asking about my sexuality. My closest neighbor came over one day. He is straight, married, a grandfather etc. He wanted to let me know that our neighborhood was pleased to have 'us' as neighbors.

In short, I don't really get it in terms of the negativity described above. I do believe the adoption issue could be sticky as you very well may be the first couple to attempt adoption on the islands and doing something new throws a twist in the works. I do agree that going through adoption prior to moving may save a great deal of time, headache and improve the propensity to have a positive outcome.

In terms of fostering, which is a large issue on the island, I don't think anyone would ask anything except for the ability to provide a safe and growth-oriented place to live.

Just a few more thoughts I thought I would send your way,

DjG

good Afternoon,
after reading this post I would like to include my 2 cents.
My partner and I of 16 yrs this july will be making our move to St Croix this december 30th of 2006. We have been to STX often fell in love with the island and the people. we have neevr had a problem but then again we arent the types who are flamboyant or over the top gay. we too when we started looking to buy on stx was going to work with David Fedeles but when he failed to show up and the office had no idea where he was and only being on the island that day from a cruise we found another Realtor. We are currently working with Diana Robinson from paradise properties. she was able to show us the island and condos even on a last minute since most places needed 24 hours noticed. I have talked to david the week before to cofirm our times. We did not know about the gay community on STX at this time it wasnt til after we returned and started talking to a local couple here from SW Michigan Dave and Linda Reasons who has spent a month on the island everyyear for a long time did we know about there being a Gay community on the island and this was from a str8 couple.
two yrs ago in 04 we visited and ate a few times at the commorant beach club we loved it and the welcoming attitude they had towards gay people and couples. when returning in 05 we were shockingly dissapointed in the change at the commorant loosing the friendly atmosphere and the good food I understand the restuarant has improved with new management owner thanks for that info fromt he islanders. we stayed at the Hibuscus Beach resort and loved it
But Like everywhere else no matter where you go be it str8 gay purple green etc people will treat you like you treat them in return dont push yourself values flaunt your gayness and you wont have a problem not saying you have to not be gay just be yourself adn not attract unwanted/welcomed attention and you will fit in great, the islanders from what we have expierenced has been great starting convos with a good morning etc will get you far with locals snf they will be more willing to accept you for you a little bit of kindness will take you far.
I am looking forward to our move and looking forward to meeting the fellow community on the island. take care hope to see all soon
allen and doug

Hi Albert,

IT's a few months since your January posting. My partner and I (She's Cruzan) are wondering about what the outcome was. Did You visit the USVI? WHich Island are you thinking about? St. Croix has a quite a gay community once you get to know the island a little better. Try Sand Castle on the Beach. It's in Fredericksted and is a B&B run by an amazing lesbian couple. The West End Cafe also in FSTD is run by a lesbian couple as well... Best of luck to you and your partner hope to see you islandside!

xxxx
S