Disrespected at South Shore Cafe !!!!

Hi,
I will definately put South Shore Cafe on my list of restaurants NOT to visit. I have a 3-year old daughter who is quite precocious. She is a handful and I try my best to keep her quited, contained, and occupied when we go out to eat. I will not sit at home or limit my dining choices to McDonald's or Cheeseburgers because I have a child. Children are people too and what you described sounds like discrimination against children to me. We will not go back to Smuggler's Cove because of a similar situation. Too bad too since we live within walking distance of it. We've spent a LOT of money at Smuggler's but after the new owner took over, found that he was child intolerant.

Dear Starmight,
We have a 3 year old and we will also boycott the South Shore Cafe. I am sorry that you had that experience. We always try to ensure that our son behaves in pubic and if he does not we leave so as not to annoy other people. We take crakers or cookies and his toy cars or dinosaurs when we go out to occupie him until dinner arrives, which sometimes takes awhile on the island. We also try to go to dinner early before most people arrive. There are plenty of very nice resturants on STX and we have never had a problem like you encountered at South Shore Cafe so we just won't go there. Maybe they should put a sign on the door saying no toddlers allowed.

Interesting thread, How many people without toddlers, enjoy going to any fine restaurant and putting up with someone else's kids?

Jim

I find your comment incredibly rude JIM I have run into more loud rude and just out of control adults than kids ten fold

big deal. boo hoo. i'd like to hear both sides of the story.

Actually, I believe that there is a time and a place for children in restaurants. I would not have taken my two year old to a fine French restaurant in which the ambience was an integral part of the dining experience. I would not do it for the sake of the other diners, but also for my own appreciation of an elegant Adult evening out.

However.....the Southside cafe does not count as that kind of epicurean delight.
Also..I believe that there are cultural norms at play here. Far fewer parents bring their children to an evening's dinner in Europe than in the US. Family time is generally accepted to be earlier in the evening, before 7pm say. That way, everyone is happy and the children get an early bedtime too.

But, when in Rome...
I think that the proprietor in case could certainly have behaved in a more gracious and civillized manner.

Well said Jane,
We always try to dine out earlier when we have our toddler and if he does not behave we leave. We have never had a problem on STX. All you people out there who do not like dining with children around have a new great child free resturant to go to. Works out great for everyone. I have a tip for all the parents of young children. I have 5 adult children, all 1 to 2 years apart. When they were little we told them if they got a compliment on their behavior from an adult that they got ice cream when they got home. It worked like a charm. Once we were in a small store and they were being so quite and good with their little hands folded and no one complimented them. My youngest daughter walked up to a sales clerk and asked, "Mam, don't you think we are very well behaved Children?"
Have a good day.
Tammy

I just wanted to add that we took the first available reservation. at 6 p.m. and my child did not venture from our table, scream, cry, or do anything other than say "lalilalilailialialia". Personally, I think it's cute. Unfortunately, had the bread arrived, he would have his mouth full from then on and no problems would have occured. I guess we can blame it on the bread man.

My post was directly pointed at the owner/operator of this particular cafe that could have by all means explained her point of view in any sort of polite, decent or caring manner. Again, unfortunately none of these options were taken, quite the opposite in fact, hence why this post was written.

For those who have not been to this particular restaraunt, it is a nicely done, outdoor/indoor restaraunt that is casual dining that is known to have good food. That is why I asked her plainly why we were not seated indoors away from ALL (two) patrons and "lallilallilalli" would not have affected anyone's dining experience.

I quite honestly have never had anyone comment on either of my child manners except to tell me how well mannered they are. My daughter has won several good citizenship awards, and to be even more honest, almost the first comment I receive from other childrens parents are how wonderful her manners are. Of course my son is not 8 (almost 9) yet, however I do not believe this particular incident goes down in that "OMG did you HEAR that horrific child ALL through dinner?!"

We were there less than 15 minutes when we were reprimanded by the same woman in which bills we ourselves are paying.

Thank you again for taking the time to read my post and see my point of view.

Take care,
Lindsay
p.s. I am still waiting for my apology

Not to condone or condemn the treatment you received, but the South Shore Cafe has one of best menus on the island. In the past three months I have had three excellent meals there. Better than Backus, Diggings or Kendricks.

I would not consider it a casual family dinning spot. I would classify Chicken Charlie's or Cheeseburgers as casual family dinning spots. Cheeseburgers even has a kid's playground.

Jim

Jim,
I definitely am not trying to take away from the quality of food served at the cafe (Not that I would know, but I'm sure it is wonderful!) . I am only wanting to make a case in point that to go to a restaraunt with the word "cafe" in the title name would make it a bit difficult for parents to realize that children are indeed not welcome prior to the passing of the toddler phase. I suppose "cafe" in American terms conjures ideas of relaxed, enjoyable dining that would not be of the caliber of bacchus, kendricks, or tutto bene etc.

Also, I mean, how in the world can someone insult your children? I honestly feel bad for the propieter, as this is a very low blow. Again, there was a completely empty inside room we would have enjoyed and had not one complaint about, and/or would have appreciated her feelings and not left if they were any hint of kindness in them.

At times like these, I find myself having a strange desire to do something really nice and gracious for her. I am not sure why, maybe this would cancel out the hurt I feel? Sometimes I find that the people who intend to hurt others, need the most kindness given to them.

sorry, just a lucid rant from a hurt mom who loves STX and just wants "everyone to get along"

as always, take care,
Lindsay

Hi,

This is a very difficult situation. The owner, from your account, was absolutely rude to you as a customer. But my experience is that parents rarely see the behavior of their children in public as irritating as others see it. As a dining customer, I never appreciate listening to the sounds of misbehaving children. And I do appreciate them promptly leaving when their children get unruly. What really spoils it for some parents of ill mannered young ones is that many young children are well trained and behave splendidly in public places. Unfortunately, this seems to rapidly be becoming more of an exception.

I guess the point is; as a parent in public, always error on the side of respect for others. If you're not sure your young children are going to behave, go someplace where no one will likely care. Cheeseburger's is great for kids. Good food, with no expectation of a quiet dining experience by anyone.

Lindsey,
I think I got a pic of your kid as you guys were leaving the restaurant...

LOL Ed...

Man, that was a laugh I desparately needed today! :0)

Lindsay

Since it was me that showed IslandEd how to post pictures.

Now that one was funny.

I agree with Indep. Man. while it was not right that the owner didn't use more tact, what you consider "cute", some people find annoying. I have been in some places where the adults are even more annoying as the child, making noises or baby talk to the child to see them laugh. I sometimes wish that they would have children and no children areas like some have for smoking. I also find it annoying if adults are too loud.
When my daughter was loud or unruly, we would take her out to the car until she settled down. The lady with the reward system sounds like she is on to something.
When my sister-in-law kids were small, at family gatherings, they would be running around the house screaming,( just being good kids) my sister-in-law, didn't even notice. It would drive me crazy, but then I wasn't used to it.
It's like other noises, you neighbor's dogs. Their barking they might not even notice, but it may annoy you. My dogs, if they start barking, I correct them, and if they don't stop, I make them come inside. People riding motorcycles in a park or on a beach. The noise doesn't bother them, but may drive others crazy.
When we go out to eat, we don't go to fancy places, but we do avoid places like Chucky Cheese Pizza, which cathers to small children. I would not go into a place like that and expect to have a pleasant quiet meal. But when I go into a regular place, I enjoy a quiet meal.

Again, I think the owner should have used more tact.

Have to agree with Jim! My husband and I dined at South Shore in September. Our meal at South Shore was without a doubt , superb! I'm still wanting more of those incredible sweet potato manicottis!!! The dessert was heavenly! One of my favorite St Croix restaurants at this date!

While it certainly doesn't appear to be fine dining from the casual appearance outside, a quick perusal of the menu may have had you returning without children for an adult dinner. My own 4 children, ages 15 - 21 may have been hard pressed to choose something that they found totally appealing, and the portions would have not satisfied my meat and potatoes son!! The high quality of ingredients, the attention to individually prepared dishes, and presentation qualify it as "fine island dining" in my book!

As a mother of four, and a preschool teacher, my tolerance for children ,anywhere and at most anytime, is quite high....but it my have taken an awful lot of bread (homemade and oh so wonderful!!!) for you to sail through a leisurely dinner at South Shore!

We had a delightful meal, saw the owner the following day at Divi and she was very friendly! If my husband and I can squeeze in a "mom and dad only" dinner during our next trip in April, we'll be there!!

While again, I am so happy that there are those that are overjoyed at their experience at this restaraunt, this is so simply not my point.
As you can see from the very blatant title of my post.
I was disrespected, insulted to the point that I gave up a free coupon for a dinner exclusively because my son was in a outdoor type area at our table talking babytalk.

I suppose I just find it upsetting that people are missing that point (Terry, I thank you for the sentence at the end which explains my notion) , and not understanding that it is not ok for ANYONE to speak to ANYONE else in the manner we were spoken to last night. My husbands jaw just dropped. He says he was quite honestly dumbfounded and didn't react because it was so shocking it took him a few minutes to digest it correctly.

I also happen to find it humorous that people keep saying we should stick to bars such as chicken charlies when he have our kids. Well, hate to say it, but we almost ALWAYS have our children. Plus, my daughter and I are vegetarian and find it hard pressed to find the kind of healthy gourmet vegetarian food we enjoy at any such of a place. We've been to almost every restaraunt on this island (including Rum Runners, which is quite famous, great food and NOT cheap) and they were extremely accomodating to my children.

So, thank goodness I was not a tourist on a hellbound venture to a vicious idea of a meal. Thank goodness I stand up for what I KNOW was not a insult to the other two people sitting at the restaraunt. Thank goodness I will never ever let someone speak to me or my family the way I was spoken to last night.

Please, if you want to rave about the FOOD at the restaraunt, do so on a new thread. This was plainly about a disgusting display of behaviour coming from an ADULT... NOT a child.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not trying to put this "lady" out of business. I hope any and all that do not have kids continue to enjoy her, what was it? wonderful manicottis... (btw, that is what I had ordered! LOL)
HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just aggrevated, sorry if I'm hurting anyones feelings.. but this should not be tolerated...

I dont' care if my child was kicking, screaming and throwing dirt in the other patrons faces. You do NOT speak to people in the way I was spoken to last night. My childs behaviour is NOT the issue here, please say I am making this clear.!!!

Am I loud enough yet?!

Your last 4 sentences speak volumes and very loudly. It seems, the real issue may not be entirely what you think. On the scale of rudness, parents tolerating badly behaving children in public is a 10.

I suppose you confused my statement... I'm already about done with this entire thread. I shared something that made my heart drop and hurt my family, and you are turning it into how poorly parents discipline their children?!
geez, I guess this just needs to be left be, I did not intend to become the center of a poorly disputed arguement over how well parents raise their children.

and, mr. independent man, I am guessing you DON'T have children?!

good night all, I am leaving to take my children to the beach, somewhere I am hoping they are STILL welcome?!!

With the exception of kendricks and tutu benne most of the restaurant owners here do not know what they are doing have very poorly trained wait staff and little knowledge of customer service. I'm sure there are some more exceptions but I can not think of that at the moment. And there are alot of restaurants that are in no way child friendly. I have seen friends of mine treated in the same way you have been star and did not thing the children were misbehaving at all. Breezes has to have the rudest owner I have ever come across personally. Luckily hes rarely there anymore. And while southshore will have something great on the special board once in a while usually it sounds better then it tastes. I dont know why more restaurants do not cater to families because more and more people bring their children with them on vacation and they are only shooting themselves in the foot. One of my girlfriends who ran a small hotel here actually made a list of child friendly places for her guest. So you are not alone starmight.

Independant man,
I appreciate how you recognize the owners behavior was rude. However, your inference that she may not have discerned her childrens bad behavior was ...well... rude also. I didn't know you witnessed the event.

Because you didn't clearly separate what your past experience has been with some children, it projected that you jumped to the conclusion it must have been her young child that caused a disturbance. I didn't read that she was there long enough to cause a disturbance, or that the owner was reacting to a disturbance, but instead over-reacted to what MAY have become one.

I'm sure you didn't make those comments to her or her children directly, but simply expressed your own unrelated experience and opinion. Who knows, you may have already dined next to her and her children elsewhere, and never even noticed them.

The point is: Children WILL be in public, well behaved and sometimes not so well behaved. If you've learned to relax and adjust to island life, surely you can adjust to accomodate young children as well. If you can't... see my picture posted above.

Since I wasn't there, I can't judge the actions of either the child or the restaurant owner. However, I have been in other restaurants where children's inappropirate behavior was ingored by their parents. I have also hauled my grandchildren out of restaurants where they were being disruptive.

I can't be too hard on the restaurant owner, although the situation did seem to deteriorate very badly and very quickly.

Thanks Island Ed for trying to bring this discussion around to the original point. I wish there were more people on this board like you that had some actual language comprehension skills. I'm leaving this message board for good (not like anyone would care anyway) but it disgusts me at how people will twist someone's original point and then basically attack....then others find it necessary to get on the bandwagon. I deal with enough of this crap in real life I don't need it here. Starnight had a valid grievance and instead of supporting her many of you twist the facts and attack. Shame on you.

Thanks for the compliment MelissaS. Sorry to see you go. I wish you well.